SSNY didn't hesitate to hear what New York City women had to say about being single. We asked two simple questions, via Facebook and Twitter: Are you single by choice? And, if so, why have you chosen not to be in a relationship? Since we officially kicked-off Single Ladies Week, our inbox has been flooded with your stories, advice, ideas and answers. By honestly expressing the thoughts that go through every single woman's mind, while sharing personal factors that deter her from dating, Marlene Rodriguez broke it down to a science. Between her history of dating lame-o's who wound up being more of a drag than a good date, and the loss of her father last year, Marlene explains why she can't help but associate dating with marriage.
*Marlene Rodriguez
*26 years old
*Queens
*I'm so New York because, "I'm hardworking, cultured, unique, curvy and loving it, and I'm strong. A New York girl is classy, yet, will never go down without a fight. She's nurturing, but she can holdown her own, and, wear heels with any outfit, yet, put on her sneakers to get down and dirty."
*Her passion: "My life... I strive to achieve excellence to be a provider for myself, my family, and my future family... I appreciate the curve balls that are sent my way, because they help me to become the woman that I am."
Am I single by choice? Yes and no. It's so hard to remove yourself from your norm and take a risk. I remember the good old high school days. It was so simple to say to a boy, "Hey, I like you... what's good?" As an adult, it's a completely different world. I fear rejection. I think long term vs short term. So many questions cloud my mind. I overthink the relationship, and, that's when doubt sets in.
I am single by choice for a number of reasons.
1- I'm not where I want to be in life. Being in a relationship would be a big distraction.
2- I've been in one too many dead end relationships. A lot of times, the guy doesn't aspire to do anything with their lifes, let alone have a life plan in motion.
3- Lastly, after my dad passed away in July, marriage just doesn't seem the same for me. I know it's far fetched to think of marriage as a single person right now, but, I think long term... I think about what's going to happen in a few years of dating this person? Obviously, marriage. A wedding day has always been about my dad walking me down the isle. My dad, knowing my husband-to-be and his grandkids, when the time came... that's not happening for me anymore, so my perspective on marriage is so different from a year ago.
On the flip side, I'm not single by choice just because I haven't found the right person I'm meant to be with. My attitude towards finding a boyfriend during this time in my life is simple. I'm not looking for a relationship, but if it happens to fall in my lap, I'll deal with it and see if the person is the one for me. Dating is hard. It seems that dating consist of having sex on the first date. I don't want to sleep with a guy one the first date. Yet, if I don't, they quickly lose interest. So, dating is a lose-lose at times! I want to respect myself like every woman should. Kids and marriage are my intention. As much as I long for it at times, as I'm approaching my late twenties, I'm also not in a huge rush to find it. I know when it's my time it will be.
Marlene Rodriguez
She might be single now, but, trust, someone as beautiful, focused, and determined as Marlene won't be a table of one for too long!
If you have any questions for Marlene, or you want to share something about being single and what it means to you, contact us! SSNY is all about women helping to inform and inspire other women, just by being
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