Friday, June 11, 2010

The Belle of NYC: A Sit Down with Demetria Lucas

Demetria Lucas, Essence magazine's Relationships Editor and woman behind the internet sensation "A Belle in Brooklyn," is the epitome of the New York woman. Recently seen on "Let's Talk About Pep," she attempted to show Sandy "Pepa" Denton the ropes of successful "man hunting" in the Big Apple.

With her presence on the show as a well educated, successful career woman looking for a companion, viewers fell in love with her warm and hip personality, FABULOUS fashion choices, and her ability to work the room like a professional without working up a sweat. Even Pepa was no match for this savvy New York transplant.

Dubbed "The Black Carrie Bradshaw," She's So New York got the opportunity to speak with Ms. Lucas about her love of blogging, the dating scene in New York, and the woman behind the pen:

Who is She: Demetria Lucas, age 30

What does she do: Relationships Editor for Essence magazine, writer behind " A Belle in Brooklyn" dating expert and speaker

Where is She From: Originally from Washington, D.C.
Her former goals: Business/Pre Law

What you would find in her bag: makeup bag, lots of other folks biz cards, receipts, nail polish, hair clips, rings, bangles, shoes, iPod, phone, glasses, a magazine, sunglasses, pens, and then the obvious.

(Check out her fave NYC staples below!)

She's So New York: I read that you were formerly Pre-Law, but after an assignment in college on "Native Son," you decided to change your career path. How did you venture into writing about relationships?

Demetria Lucas: It was a subject I was always interested in. My senior thesis in high school were essays and short fiction about modern Black love. A year after I came to New York, I landed a job editing romance novels, later I moved on a book editor at Harlequin. I'd been freelancing as a journalist for about five years, covering music a lifestyle mostly, and I'd lost my passion for it. While I was at Harlequin, I wanted to write about dating and relationships since that's where my interest was. I tried to pitch a few places with ideas, but I didn't have the clips to back it up. I started a blog on MySpace to share my thoughts about dating and such. Six months later, picked up the blog. It became pretty popular pretty quick. I wrote for Honey for 5 months before ESSENCE offered me a position as the Relationships Editor.

SSNY: Where did you get the idea for "A Belle In Brooklyn"? For some,blogging is cleansing and therapeutic, what does blogging provide for you?

DL: I was looking for a story that reflected my life- young, single, but not ready to be married or looking for a husband, and just enjoying life's highs and struggling through its lows. I was (am) obsessed with SATC and I wanted to know where the Black, realistic version of Carrie Bradshaw was. SATC had gone off the air, giving women the idea that "Big" suddenly had a change of heart and life wrapped up in a bow. I wanted to real version of that story. Also, while SATC stories covered a lot, there was some they missed. I wanted to fill in the blanks. I'm a writer, so I started writing my truth about dating, relationships, and men.

Blogging is my therapy. It's helped me unload a lot of baggage and also, reader insight (my commenters are very vocal and smart) tells me where my shortcomings are. I also learned that "it's not just me." Everytime I've shared something crazy or scary that I thought I was dealing with alone, I got a series of comments going "me too." Most of what we're ashamed to tell-- our pasts, our fears, our shames-- are pretty common and unique to human experience. I have a lot of readers around the world that write in to say, "thank you!" for inspiring them to write or share their experiences, or do better in their relationships after they've read about my triumphs and pitfalls.

SSNY: As a relationship editor for Essence, do you find that being openly honest about dating can be somewhat hindering to your personal life?

DL: Nah. The Essence stuff isn't where the issues come up. Most guys I meet think it’s cute that a woman they're dating is in a magazine. I'm also way toned down for what I write/ edit there. Very PC.

ABIB (A Belle In Brooklyn) has more potential for trouble, but doesn't cause too much. Upfront, I tell everyone I take an interest in what I do. Most guys I date don't read; they say its too personal like a diary, and too, too vulnerable. It strikes some protective chord they're not comfortable with. Some ask not to be written about even under a pseudonym. I mostly respect that wish. Most don't care if I write about them and are flattered to know I do. I don't really attack anyone, more write about my feelings about what they did.

I think by and large, it helps too that I don't write in real time. Very rarely, do I tell a story the day after or even weeks after, it happens. It's hard to pinpoint what I'm up too.

I stopped dating a guy because of something I found out, or better, someone I found out about, via the blog, but that's the only time it’s been a hindrance.

SSNY: For our single girl readers, what are some tips you can provide about meeting good men in NYC?

DL: Pay attention to who's around you. Stop looking for men in bars and clubs. The streets (and subways)are kinda lousy with great men and they're everywhere. Stay on the look out and don't be too shy or too stush to speak to a man you may want to get to know.

*VH1's "Let's Talk About Pep"

SSNY: What are some of the main mistakes that women make when meeting men? And, when is it ok to have sex?

DL: Top 5:


*not knowing what they want/ being superficial about what they want/ being unrealistic about what they want

*Having sex too soon. Sex can move you closer; it can also move you further apart. If you want to build with someone and you don't have a foundation before you have sex, its not likely to come after.

*Not giving a man space/ not letting him miss you.

*Acting like you’ re his girlfriend before you are. Slow down. Get to know a man before you give him your heart. And make sure you know he will cherish it before you turn it over.

To answer your sex question, the answer depends on too many factors like what you want out of the relationship or your motive for sex to give a definitive answer. If you don't want anything other than sex, do it whenever you feel like. Use a condom. You want a relationship, wait until you've developed a bond with the man and sex is an expression of how you feel, not an act in hopes of developing something deeper. The latter is where a lot of women get caught up.

SSNY: Name some things that women should look for in a man when deciding to take the relationship to the next level.

DL: Above all, his character. Too many of us get caught up in what he does for a living, where he went to college, where he lives, what he drives, blah, blah, blah. When it comes to deciding who to go "next level" with (I assume you're talking about deciding who to be in a relationship with), none of that stuff above matters.

I'm more concerned about his relationship with his family, or maybe, children. I care about his work ethic, how he speaks about women, how he handles being upset or not getting his way or disappointment, how he argues, how he respects me and protects me.

SSNY: What do you suggest single mothers do when they decide to return to the dating scene?

DL: The same thing I tell single women without children: smile and say hi. I'd add, don't "confess" you have a kid like it's a vice. Just bring it up in convo like, "oh, my daughter/son likes...." Also, don't rush to make a new man to be a father figure to your kid and don't intro the kid until you're sure the guy will be around for awhile.

SSNY: How do you feel about Regina King's recent Vibe article on dating outside of your race?

DL: I tell women to date good men. If he's black? Great. If he's not? Great. Love doesn't have a color. If a man treats you well, you enjoy his company and convo, does it matter what color he is? I'm all for strong Black families, but I'm equally for women getting the love they desire. Love in any color is a beautiful something

SSNY: You are dubbed "The Black Carrie Bradshaw" (LOVE THAT!), how similar are you and Carrie?

DL: It's a convenient comparison. One that someone threw out there years ago and it stuck. (If you Google me it comes up. After The Washington Post dubbed me that, I can’t escape it.) I get it. I live in New York, I'm a writer with a column about dating and a blog about dating and relationships. I go out a lot. I wear odd clothes and am obsessed with shoes. I'm single and optimistic. Like many women worldwide. I identify with Carrie Bradshaw, but I'm Demetria Lucas and I'm a real woman with my own adventures and perspectives. Not the Black version of a fictional white character.

SSNY: Where are some of your favorite hangouts in New York? What places would you recommend?
DL: Ideya Latin Bistro in Manhattan, Madiba, a South African restaurant in Brooklyn, Peaches in Brooklyn (shown right), Melba's Restaurant in Harlem, Mojo in Harlem, The Brooklyn Waterfront and anywhere in Fort Greene, Brooklyn!

SSNY: Where are some of your favorite NYC stores to shop?

DL: TopShop, Saks, Louis Vuitton, French Connection, Anthropologie. Oddly enough, I do most of shopping back home in DC in hopes of avoiding running into women wearing my clothes in NYC.

SSNY: We always ask everyone to tell us why they are so New York.
Starting the sentence with "I am so New York because..." tell us why You're SO New York!

DL: I am so New York because I love this city with my whole heart. And its shown me so many ways that it feels the same. I came here at 21 and I grew into a woman here.It's thrown me on my tush a couple times, but it always picks me back up. It's taken me places I never imagined I'd go. I ride over the Manhattan Bridge on the Q train to work some mornings and I look out at the NYC skyline and am inspired by the possibilities that this city holds.

Dying to hear more from the Guru? Add "A Belle In Brooklyn," to your favorite website and become a fan!

Send us your stories, tips and YOUR take on dating and relationships to!

Are you following us on twitter?


  1. I absolutely LOVE BELLE!!! She's the greatest, in my head we're girlfriends lol, I didn't think there was another female that loved Brooklyn as much as I do...great post!

  2. this is great!... thanks for sharing this. learned so many things. hope to read more from you.

  3. Thanks for sharing,dating is the art of love & happiness.So enjoy life and have fun with dating keep It rock on.

  4. Hello, its nice paragraph on the topic of media print, we all be aware of media is a enormous source
    of data.

    my web blog - cams free

  5. I am regular visitor, how are you everybody? This post posted at this web page is actually nice.

    Feel free to surf to my web-site ... free porn sex cams

  6. Excellent blog you have here but I was curious if you knew of any forums that cover the same topics discussed in this article?
    I'd really love to be a part of community where I can get advice from other knowledgeable individuals that share the same interest. If you have any recommendations, please let me know. Thanks a lot!

    My blog post :: adult cam free

  7. Thanks for every other informative site.
    The place else may just I am getting that kind of information written in such a perfect way?
    I have a undertaking that I'm just now working on, and I have been at the look out for such information.

    Take a look at my website: Chat Live sexy

  8. What's up everyone, it's my first go to see at this web page, and paragraph is truly
    fruitful designed for me, keep up posting these types of articles or reviews.

    my site - cams to cams free

  9. Hi, i read your blog occasionally and i own a
    similar one and i was just wondering if you get a lot of spam feedback?
    If so how do you stop it, any plugin or anything you can recommend?
    I get so much lately it's driving me mad so any assistance is very much appreciated.

    Also visit my web page :: sex cams chat

  10. Hi there Dear, are you truly visiting this web page regularly, if so
    then you will definitely obtain fastidious knowledge.

    Take a look at my website:

  11. Have you ever thought about including a little bit more than
    just your articles? I mean, what you say is important and everything.
    Nevertheless just imagine if you added some great pictures
    or video clips to give your posts more, "pop"! Your content is excellent but with pics and video clips, this blog could
    undeniably be one of the very best in its niche.
    Excellent blog!

    my web site :: free web sex cam

  12. Do you have a spam issue on this site; I also am a blogger, and I was
    wanting to know your situation; we have developed some nice methods
    and we are looking to exchange techniques with other folks, please shoot me an e-mail if interested.

    Visit my homepage webcam live sex free

  13. I was recommended this blog by my cousin. I am not sure whether this post is written by him as no one else
    know such detailed about my difficulty. You are amazing!

    my website;

  14. Excellent blog here! Also your website loads up fast! What
    web host are you using? Can I get your affiliate link to your host?
    I wish my site loaded up as fast as yours lol

    Feel free to surf to my web page:

  15. Greetings from Colorado! I'm bored to death at work so I decided to browse your blog on my iphone during lunch break. I really like the knowledge you provide here and can't wait to take a look when I get home.

    I'm surprised at how fast your blog loaded on my phone .. I'm not even using WIFI, just 3G .
    . Anyhow, wonderful site!

    Feel free to surf to my website:

  16. Yesterday, while I was at work, my cousin stole
    my iPad and tested to see if it can survive a thirty foot drop, just
    so she can be a youtube sensation. My iPad is now broken and
    she has 83 views. I know this is entirely off topic but
    I had to share it with someone!

    Check out my web site: chat live sex

  17. I like what you guys are usually up too. This type of clever work and
    reporting! Keep up the excellent works guys I've added you guys to our blogroll.

    Feel free to surf to my webpage :: live webcam free

  18. It's a shame you don't have a donate button! I'd without a doubt donate to this excellent blog! I suppose for now i'll settle for book-marking and adding
    your RSS feed to my Google account. I look forward to new updates and will talk about this blog with my Facebook
    group. Talk soon!

    Feel free to surf to my website - free adult webcam

  19. I know this if off topic but I'm looking into starting my own blog and was curious what all is needed to get set up? I'm assuming having a blog like
    yours would cost a pretty penny? I'm not very internet smart so I'm not 100% positive.
    Any suggestions or advice would be greatly appreciated.
    Appreciate it

    Also visit my site -

  20. Wow, incredible blog layout! How long have
    you been blogging for? you make blogging look
    easy. The overall look of your site is fantastic, let alone the content!

    Have a look at my web-site; free live sex free chat

  21. After looking over a handful of the blog posts on your blog,
    I truly appreciate your technique of writing a blog.

    I saved it to my bookmark webpage list and will be checking
    back in the near future. Take a look at my website as well and
    let me know your opinion.

    Here is my web site; live sex free chat

  22. Very nice article, totally what I needed.

    Also visit my web site - free live sex cam

  23. Wonderful beat ! I would like to apprentice while you amend your
    website, how can i subscribe for a weblog site?

    The account aided me a applicable deal. I had been tiny bit familiar of this your broadcast offered
    vibrant transparent idea

    Also visit my weblog ... webcams live

  24. Hi there! Do you use Twitter? I'd like to follow you if that would be okay. I'm absolutely enjoying your blog and
    look forward to new updates.

    Feel free to visit my web page

  25. If you are going for finest contents like I do, simply go to see this website every day because it offers feature contents, thanks

    Also visit my webpage; adult sex chat free

  26. Good post. I learn something totally new and challenging on sites I
    stumbleupon everyday. It will always be interesting to read articles from other
    authors and practice a little something from their web sites.

    my website

  27. Does your website have a contact page? I'm having a tough time locating it but, I'd like to shoot you
    an e-mail. I've got some suggestions for your blog you might be interested in hearing. Either way, great blog and I look forward to seeing it grow over time.

    My page: porno Free cam

  28. Unquestionably believe that which you said. Your favorite reason seemed to be on the internet the simplest
    thing to be aware of. I say to you, I definitely get irked while people consider
    worries that they just don't know about. You managed to hit the nail upon the top and defined out the whole thing without having side effect , people can take a signal. Will probably be back to get more. Thanks

    My web page

  29. Hi, i think that i saw you visited my blog thus i came to “return the favor”.
    I'm attempting to find things to improve my web site!I suppose its ok to use some of your ideas!!

    Also visit my blog post adult chat free

  30. This design is incredible! You definitely know how to keep a reader amused.
    Between your wit and your videos, I was almost moved to start my own blog (well,
    almost...HaHa!) Excellent job. I really enjoyed what you had to say, and more than that, how you presented it.
    Too cool!

    My web-site - free i porn movies

  31. Hello there! This is my 1st comment here so I just wanted to give a quick shout out and tell you
    I really enjoy reading your articles. Can you recommend
    any other blogs/websites/forums that go over the same subjects?

    Also visit my webpage free sex live chat :: ::

  32. Excellent goods from you, man. I've understand your stuff previous to and you are just extremely wonderful. I actually like what you've acquired here, certainly like what you're saying and the way in which you say it. You make it enjoyable and you still take care of to keep it wise. I can not wait to read much more from you. This is really a tremendous site.

    My webpage free online cam porn

  33. Hello, Neat post. There's an issue together with your site in web explorer, might test this? IE nonetheless is the marketplace leader and a big portion of other people will miss your magnificent writing because of this problem.

    Feel free to surf to my web-site - Sexy Chat Rooms

  34. I'm not sure why but this web site is loading extremely slow for me. Is anyone else having this problem or is it a problem on my end? I'll check back later
    on and see if the problem still exists.

    Visit my blog: porn free free porn

  35. In fact when someone doesn't understand afterward its up to other viewers that they will help, so here it occurs.

    Check out my web page best live sex :: ::

  36. Yesterday, while I was at work, my cousin stole my iphone and
    tested to see if it can survive a twenty five foot drop, just
    so she can be a youtube sensation. My iPad is now broken
    and she has 83 views. I know this is entirely off topic but I
    had to share it with someone!

    Visit my blog post; Live Sex Videos For Free

  37. Neat blog! Is your theme custom made or did you download it from somewhere?
    A design like yours with a few simple tweeks would
    really make my blog stand out. Please let me know where
    you got your design. Cheers

    my site; adult porn cam

  38. Its not my first time to go to see this website, i am visiting this web site dailly and get nice data from
    here daily.

    Also visit my website :: free porn live Chat

  39. I am really loving the theme/design of your weblog. Do you ever run into any internet browser compatibility issues?
    A handful of my blog readers have complained about
    my blog not working correctly in Explorer but looks great in Opera.
    Do you have any tips to help fix this issue?

    Also visit my blog post - online live sex (

  40. Everything is very open with a clear explanation of the issues.

    It was really informative. Your website is extremely helpful.
    Thank you for sharing!

    My web blog - live sex porn free (

  41. It's very trouble-free to find out any topic on web as compared to textbooks, as I found this article at this web page.

    Feel free to surf to my web site :: free sex cam shows

  42. I am in fact happy to read this weblog posts which includes plenty of useful information, thanks for providing
    such data.

    my website ... free live cams free []

  43. Hi it's me, I am also visiting this web site on a regular basis, this web site is in fact fastidious and the viewers are truly sharing nice thoughts.

    Also visit my site :: porn webcam ()