He Say/She Say: Can Friends With Benefits transition into successful relationships?

The battle of the sexes is nothing new, but does marital status and sexual orientation cause us to think differently? Welcome to He Say/She Say!

Every week, She's So New York asks a series of questions on a wide range of topics including race relations, sex, finance, politics, entertainment, relationships, and more. The weekly panel consists of opinions from single and married gay/straight men and women who are willing to give their unabashed opinions.

Today they're answering the Question:

Can Friends with Benefits ever transition into successful healthy relationships?

Read their take and let us know what you think!

They Say:

(From Left) X.D. and Archer

Oh the cutty buddy. What a tangled web we weave, when first we practice whom to..uhh..beat. Friends with benefits can be a tricky subject. When it comes to love and lust, it’s easy to confuse the two. Sometimes our bodies make a connection so deep and passionate that it seemingly can emulate an enduring and everlasting love. When it comes to ever having your cuddy buddy turn into something successful and long lasting, wethinks not. This week, Archer and I had a brief discussion on the matter. This was the outcome.

X. D. So...do you think friends with benefits can turn into something long lasting?

Archer: I don’t think it will work because relationships that are based on or have foundations of physical interaction can leave the relationship susceptible to other relationships that have deeper connections to enter the dynamic and break the bond that you have made.

X. D.: Agreed. It’s so easy for us to confuse love and lust. You know?

Archer: A physical connection can be really strong -- a primal instinct. It’s how we’re attracted to someone initially. However its the mental, spiritual and emotional bonding that out weighs the physical.

X. D.: I can dig it. Sometimes sex is just sex. That’s all one could possibly have in common with someone else.

Archer: Right. The longest relationships prioritize physical connections as last leaving the connections less tangible to the forefront. Often times people are stimulated more than mentally. I mean, If you can find someone that does everything that’s great but until then....

X. D.: True. It’s all in all a bad idea. I’ve heard of stranger things happening when it turns out to be a good thing, but I just don’t buy it. Friends with benefits can also leave one person in love while the other just in lust. That can never end well, either. Let’s just hope people take heed and understand that there is a huge risk in turning a friend with benefits into a relationship.

Who they are: X. D. and Archer are the driving forces behind The XDexperience. Both in their 20s who recognize that there is more to life than wallowing in life. As residents of Brooklyn, Archer and X. D. are in constant pursuit of all things positve, progressive, and, well, fabulous. Follow them both on twitter! @Archerismyname @TheXDexperience

Pamela Jackson

She Says: Friends with benefits CAN have successful relationships. Most relationship that I've had has been started this way. A 7 year relationship I had started off as friends with benefits and despite us no longer being together, we are able to continue being friends. In my perspective, friends with benefits is the best way to get to know someone for who they really are. When you are just dating someone they try to put their best foot forward - you usually don't get to know the true them until it's too late. Now, a friend with benefits has nothing to hide, they are at their realest moment because you're just the friend that provides them with pleasure. Then from that point you can grow knowing who the person really is. Friends with benefits form into the most beautiful relationships in my opinion. Who She Is: Pamela Jackson is the President of "Seeds to Flowers," a Brooklyn based non-profit organization that is dedicated to helping teenage girls from the inner city learn the positive choices life has to offer, essentially teaching them to grow from girls to women. She's also a LPN and student.

Rhaleek Walker, Sr.,

He Says: This transition depends entirely on communication and the level of the relationship with the friend. I firmly believe that life was intended for partnership and that a successful relationship is the one thing that people really do want. Contrary to popular belief, these relationships are the best way to transition into relationships. You share, talk and form a bond because of the style of the relationship. It only makes sense to transition. Anyone who says that they'd prefer sex without attachment as their only source of contact with the opposite/same sex clearly does not know themselves. Intimacy is crucial for any human being to flourish in all areas of their lives. Money doesn't quell loneliness nor does success.  Who He Is: Rhaleek Walker Sr., is a married father of two boys and a supervisor for ABM Janitorial Services. He is an avid sports fan who enjoys spending time with his friends and most importantly, his family.

Portia Walker

What She Says: I have always felt that friends with benefits, if handled in the most mature way possible is one of the best ways to find that person you have been looking for to spend the rest of your life with. Dating from what I've learned, is somewhat outdated. A large majority of relationships that I am aware of, have started off as friends with benefits. But I do believe that there is a misconception with the term itself. Friends with benefits essentially, is someone who you connect with on a deeper level than "wham bam, thank you ma'am." It's more than just the physical connection. This is your companion, someone who has learned your quirks, likes and dislikes. But I do believe that with any relationship, titled or not needs to have a solid foundation in order for anything positive to result.

Sex itself is tricky all by itself, especially when its misunderstood or mistaken for something that its not. Like Cedric said, honesty and communication is key in order for this type or any type of relationship to flourish. How many of us have caught feelings for someone and it wasn't mutual? I've also learned that friends with benefits can never last long before a transition is actually necessary. How long can you bed someone without deciding whether or not to make it official? If you're mature enough, you can still have the friend despite no longer having sex OR you can make the switch to titles and live happily ever after. It's your call.

Who She Is: Portia Walker is the Editor-in-Chief of She's So New York and co-founder of GlammSoNY PR Firm, along with Tiffany Dimanche (bka Glamm CEO) of Glamm on the Go. Portia is also a married mother of two boys.

Cedric Banton

He Says: Damn you Usher, Ludacris and that nappy headed Lil Jon!! May your souls rot in that special part of hell for celebrities and rich folk! Your creative genius has been the spawn of a simply complex question of "Can there be lovers and friends" or better yet "Can Friends with benefits, blossom into successful relationships". I must've went through an entire bottle of wine (Taylor Port) mulling over this question. After I awoke from my drunken stupor I found my answer and that is: Yes!!

Why not? The whole idea of a relationship is two people being friends, best friends in all honesty. Not just the ability to tolerate each other's presence (which most unhappily married couples find themselves doing) but to find enjoyment in each other, being able to be silly and serious when the time calls for it. As well as being one another's confidant and comforter (sounds like Jesus right?). If friends with mutual physical attraction decide to act on it, that's just fine. In black and white its a great notion and should be acceptable in 2010. Its the grey area that puts the complexity into motion. The premise of 2 single compadres hooking up time and again is fine, if they happen to be mature enough to handle the idea that maybe they aren't the only person that their partner is hooking up with (I love the term hooking up, thank you white people, it makes sex sound so clean).

Most of the time those are the ground rules until someone (the woman) decides that they want to change the game. Now if the dude is smitten with you as much as you are with him, then your guy friend has become your boyfriend and you can work the kinks out as you go along - similar to that of one who's dating. There might even be a few pluses to it too, you may already know each others family and friends, and the awkwardness of being acclimated to the other person's life won't be there.

That aspect of lovers and friends is fine and dandy, that's because a fairly descent foundation has been laid without the couple even knowing it. The dark side to the Friends/Lovers realm, is when two friends who are involved with other people make the choice of acting on their physical attraction - not only do you have a complex friendship, you have an affair. Now if both friends are of the Rick James variety (coldblooded), then they can make the choice to actively dismiss whoever their significant other is and endure the tumultuous whirlwind of broken hearts, and petty gossip that follows along with that. That's cool... Not!

I'm sure that there are couples out there that have endured that and still hold hands and walk in the grass til this day, but if I were a betting man, I bet there are more shattered pieces about. Reason being, the foundation that was set was built on lies and deceit. Bottom line, one or both of the friends cheated to get the end result. I don't see how success can be made out of mistrust. Chances are one of the friends will have to begin to question the other person's moves and actions. WHY? Because that persons a cheater, and yes -it should be noted that the person cheated with a friend, so he or she should understand, but that doesn't make them any more honorable. Now unless you're filthy rich or your sex game is comparable to Wesley Pipes and Vanessa Blue then chances are your former friend and new found lover can be swayed by the thrill of something new and uncharted. That is, unless you guys were really even friends to begin with.

That's the real aspect of it all, are they really friends? A lot of times, guys and girls aren't really friends, one person is the shark (the guy), waiting for the his chance to strike. The guy either succeeds or lands in the friend zone until he gets another chance - that too is a form of deceit. But that's a topic for another time. The idea of relationships blossoming from a real friendship is more than feasible. It doesn't matter if you were friends, strangers, associates, enemies, the idea is to have a solid foundation that primarily includes honesty. With that, the possibilities are endless. *Sips wine, spins in chair*.

Who He Is: Cedric Banton is a 28 year old single father and paramedic from Brooklyn, New York. The SSNY staff writer holds a BA in Business Management from Long Island University.

The Panel has spoken!  Now what is YOUR take on the subject? CAN Friends with Benefits transition into successful healthy relationships? Let us know!