Blogger Love: Dear Mistresses

Hey Ladies,


I hope that when this letter reaches you, you are not laid up under someone else’s husband (again). Julia, Alicia and now Fantasia… this one’s for you!!!

Ya know… The ratio of man to woman on this earth is plentiful. I never understood how heauxs like yourselves, made it your business to wind up in the middle of someone’s marital affairs. You are all single women, attractive women… How hard is it for you to find a man that doesn’t already belong to someone else? I understand that people meet and whatever but, if he is a husband, he should be off limits, PERIOD. If he is going through some type of separation/divorce, what is so hard about waiting until things are totally over? Papers signed. Money and children accounted for. Know why??? Because y’all are heauxs and that’s how heauxs move.

Julia Roberts aka “America’s Sweetheart” has to be the quietest home wrecker of all. She was with a single man, a fine man too (Benjamin Bratt). She left him for a married man named Danny Moder and even paid off his wife for a quickie divorce so they could be married by the 4th of July… Julia had a nice single man. They may not have had the best relationship but, you sunk your claws in the back of a married man? With children? Really??

And you Alicia… You were having an affair with the man of a woman whom you knew. Maybe not friends but you guys were definitely acquaintances. Whether or not their marriage was on the rocks or not, that is a situation that you should have steered clear of. The presence of another woman is a distracter. Men have the attention spans of 2 year olds. I have watched men watch other women while with their wives. Everyone is human. Shit if I see a fine man walking down the street, I will be watching. It’s natural. If they are in a situation that needs working on, 9 times out of 10 he will take the easy way out with the next bitch if she’s accessible.

She asked you to back off. You kept throwing the cooch. Personally, that’s grounds for a beat down. You got off easy. Not only did you have an affair with this man but you married him. Swizz actually turned a heaux into a housewife. I am impressed because most people say that can’t be done. I only hope Miss Alicia that you and Swizz don’t fall upon hard times. And the next woman doesn’t slide up under you and take your spot. That’s how Karma works you know. And since Swizz did it to Mashonda, chances are, he’ll do it to you too. That’s just the way things work.

And Fantasia, the weakest heaux of all. You are sleeping with a married man, recording it and then try to kill yourself when it all comes to light?? What kind of heaux are you!? Girl you need to be able to look at people and say. “Yea I fucked him and he’s married… And?” You obviously are not built for the heaux position. Antwaun Cook is a RN (Regular Nigga). You are somewhat of a celebrity (and I use the term celebrity loosely) you should have known that he was up to something. I am sure he used you to get famous. His wife is pretty damn attractive. I can’t see how he back slid and fell into the likes of you. Now listen… You are all mixed up in this mess and you just made yourself look extra guilty. Shame. Shame. Shame.


Look… As a woman, I have hella respect for myself. There is no way in hell am I going to allow myself to be a man’s option. If you meet a man and he starts babbling about “I have a situation…” or “We’re separating”… Nigga you gon’ have to show me some papers. There are way too many men walking around on this earth for me to have to settle for some woman’s tired leftovers. I am not sharing, you’re not texting me in the middle of the night, you are not depriving me of phone calls and quality time because you live at home with your wife. I can find a man who can give me a hundred percent instead of the 6o you’re trying to donate.

Ladies, given your societal positions, I’m thinking your self-esteem is on blast. Confidence is all that. Clearly, I was wrong because these kinds of movements indicate anything but. You guys have no right deciding whether or not you should be with someone else’s husband. People try to justify saying… “Well if the wife was doing her job…” Well guess what?? You don’t know if she was or wasn’t and neither do I. But I do know that marriage is a 2 person party… You are an intrusion. Get your lives together.

Oh and P.S. I urge you and any other heauxs like you not to come creeping around in my backyard… Milk cartons would be valuable with your picture on it…

Smooches,

*Logs off the computer and dies laughing*
 
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