Xem VanAdams: Homophobia within the Hip Hop Community & Mainstream Media

Xem VanAdams, Award Winning Blogger/Media Personality, tackles the touchy subject of homophobia within the Hip Hop community and music industry as a whole - along with the stigma attached to the black male public image. Poignant, honest and insightful - VanAdams discusses the recent Wale debacle, where the rapper initially canceled his performance from this year's DC Black Pride (he later did perform) and the effect that the mainstream media has on closeted gays within the hip hop community and beyond.

Much like Tamela covered in her "Rising Above the Down Low Culture," post, this IS an epidemic within the black community more so than in any race combined. VanAdams speaks openly on the effect of misguided homophobia, gender issues within the black community and ultimately the responsibility closeted public figures should embrace : openly teaching tolerance and acceptance by being examples, thus giving those who believe in the stigmas attached with the male and female image, the opportunity to live freely.

With the mission statement of Conquering The WORLD, One WORD At A Time, Van Adams gives it to you - no holds barred.



For more of VanAdams and his 'straight, no chaser' take on the world today, check out his site: here

If It Isn't Easy Getting It In, Perhaps It's Time To Act Out

We're constantly being  reminded of how much men love the whole role playing bit. They don't want to just bone their girlfriends, they want to bone characters. The only thing that gets a guy off more than cheating, is getting the chance to get it on with his girl, who's pretending to be another girl.

It might be hard, initially, to bring up the idea of role-playing in the bedroom. However, if you're close enough to your love to get naked and sweaty with him, then, you should be close enough to tell him how you might like it. Once you get him on board, throw around a multitude of scenarios and see which one you both lean towards. Once you've agreed on who you'll be, explain the aspects you like about whatever scenario you're about to act out. Obviously, sex is rarely sexy when it's planned, so, I suggest leaving the exact moment you want to do it unspecified, simply saying you'll do it, "when the time's right."

If there's to be one main critique of this piece from a feminist point of view, it would be due to the submissive characters I suggest gals and gays to try. Well, allow me to remind the fem's that fantasies are almost always a reflection of what we ache for in real life. Wimps want to be tough guys. (Most) Obese people dream of being thin. We're women. That means that the bulk of our time goes towards being our most powerful and nurturing selves. We make it our business to be on top of everything and everyone, all the time. So, it should come as no surprise that, between the sheets, we get our rocks off when our boy-toys tell us why we've been bad, for a change!

While Spike TV, Vivid Video, Hustler, and other men mags give great visual on how one can don herself as a milk maid, or a slutty Catholic school girl, they do little to explain how to bring the visual to life. As a former-fornicator, yet, fiend for a vicariously good romp, I've compiled a list of easily accessible role-playing situations which will definitely keep the sexy between you and your lover. And if they don't work for you... who told you to take sex advice from the celibate, single chick?

The Strangers
Accessories: None
Location: Living Room
Hands down, the easiest scenario to act out on the list. Pretend it's a public place that's practically empty. Maybe a park bench, or a library. You sit there, sexy and unexpecting. Lover asks if, "this seat's taken?" You respond no. When he sits down, slide as close to him as possible. Ask him what his name is. When he introduces himself, give him a fake name that you've always wished was your real one. Lean into the nape of the neck and ask what cologne he's wearing, while you drag the tip of your tongue around his neck. Then, take him by the hair, give him a good look in the eyes and, slide your tongue down his throat. After a quick nibble on his lower lip, tell him you want to get to know him!

*optional: For that extra edge, mid-romp, make sure to yell out, "What's your name again?!" 

The Hooker And The Cop
Accessories: hand cuffs, short-shorts/mini-skirt, the sluttiest top you've got in your closet. 
Location: A hallway
Pretend you're in an alley. Your guy is an undercover who's been watching you for a long time. He sternly grabs you by the arm and asks you what you're doing in that area so late at night. You tell him to fuck off. He pushes you against the wall, making sure his business is pressing against you. He leans in close and asks, "Give me one good reason why I shouldn't take you downtown right now?" Thrust your body into his business until it drives you crazy. Then tell him, "Lock me up and throw away the key! What do I care?" This is when he cuffs you. Once he's got it properly adjusted (make sure it isn't on too tight), tell him that you're having second thoughts and you don't want to go to jail. If he's really into character, then he'll as you what you're going to do to make him change his mind. This is when you get down on your knees - still cuffed, and blow his mind!

The Naughty School Girl And The Principal
Accessories: plaid mini-skirt, knee-highs (white, or red), black pumps, tight white blouse, pig tails
Location: Any room
Principal Ten Inch has called you into his office because once again, you missed P.E. Even though you give him your best sad puppy look, he's still ready to call up your parents, phone-in-hand. You walk over to him. Put the phone back in the cradle, and sit in his lap. Wrap your arms around him and beg him to please not call your parents. Tell him that, starting from that moment, you're going to be a very, very good girl. Tell him that you'll do anything he asks of you. And then, stick to your word!

The Housewife And The Burglar
Accessories: knee-length robe, pumps (any color), red lipstick, ski mask, water gun
Location: the kitchen
Obviously, you don't want to try this scenario on Thanksgiving Eve, while you and lover are staying with the in-laws. Still, when the kids are off to wherever, and you two lovebirds are the only ones home for a good while, the kitchen is most ideal for trying something new!

While you're in the kitchen doing dishes, you hear foot prints behind you. As you turn around, Lover's standing in front of you in all black, including his ski mask. He asks you where you keep the jewels and you tell him that there are none. He goes to the freezer and pulls out a brown paper bag. You start whining and pleading, begging him not to steal your jewels! That's when you drop your robe, revealing that you're completely naked. Tell him that, "What I'm working with is a lot more valuable than what you've got in that brown paper bag."

Who's The Boss?
Accessories: blindfold, ice cubes, whip cream/Kool Whip, *cherries, handcuffs
Location: the bedroom
This is my favorite, by far. Even though it isn't role playing, it's a great way for you and your love to get close while experimenting. Experimentation always leadts to the discovery of an act you didn't know you had in you. Also, it gives you the chance to completely dominate over your partner, and teach each other exactly what you like and dislike.

You're both completely naked, in bed. You sit on top, cuff one of his hands to the bed post (or rail), and blindfold him. Tell him that you're going to start off hot, and then cold. Take his un-cuffed hand and place it between your petunia. Take his middle finger and rub it against your clitoris to your liking. Then, tell him that that's how you like it. Now he knows!

Next, take one of the cherries and rub it against your lips before eating it. Then, press your lips against his and give him a few soft kisses. Ask him what you taste like. Then, put some whip cream/Kool Whip on your finger, then put it in his mouth. Take a little more, and dabble it over your breasts, then, have him lick it off.

Now, you're ready to move on to cold. Take one of the ice cubes and drag it around his body. Do it slowly. Start from the neck and work your way down. The ice cube will start dripping quickly, because of all the body heat. So, be sure to have napkins or a small towel on standby. When you're done with that, un-cuff his hand and let him rip off the blindfold.

*If you don't like cherries, then substitute with marshmellows, or chocolate chips. However, be cautious with the chips, because chocolate melts quickly once it's touched with body temperature.


Tamela J. Gordon

The Sexiest Day A Celibate Girl Could Ever Dream Of

I didn't stop having sex with the intention of becoming celibate. Quite the contrary, honestly.

After being involved in a a five year, long-term companionship, I decided to leave my small town on Long Island and head back to the city. Neither myself nor my companion tinkered with the idea of continuing whatever it was we had created at home. It was over, whether we wanted it to be or not.

It's important for me to stress that this man was not my boyfriend. He wasn't someone I'd call with good or bad news. However, he was a man in my life who proved his consistency was relevant. He was a man that had put in the time of knowing my in's and out's. He knew how to get my rocks off, without breaking a sweat. He knew when my cycle was late, or, right around the corner. He was a man in my life, whatever label I had slapped on him that month. Needless to say, parting ways was no easy task. Initially, I was more broken hearted at the realization that he was no longer the guy to call, than I was at the fact that we'd no longer be having sex.

With that, I arrived to Manhattan in true Aries-ramesque style. No money. No job. No mens. The first two needs came hand-in-hand, following each other with rapid secession. The last need, however, wasn't a need at all. Though I had definitely missed that intimate attention from a man, I never thought twice about hitting the social scene and drumming up a sex-mate. And, the busier I got, the weaker my craving for the opposite sex became.

By the third month into my 'dick drought' (as my darling gays refer to my sexual hiatus), I realized I was on to something. I had spent the last five years being so consumed with having sex with my Mr. Now, I never stopped to wonder what all that sex was doing to me! Without ever realizing it, I had come to depend on sex as a way to verify my attractiveness, feel sexy, and - thanks to my enabling companion, call off the search for a real relationship and settle for something purely physical.

After realizing how much I betrayed my heart and my vag in exchange for frisky behavior I will never live down, I decided that it was time to give celibacy an earnest go.

Four months into it, and I was dry humping walls. I started to fear that if I went too long without the big S, I might lose my sexy swag for life! On the eve of Valentine's Day, and in the midst of a horrid quarter-life breakdown, I joined eHarmony.com. What. A. Mistake. Instead of filling my Valentine's Day void, I was instead bombarded with emails from 30something men who were light years away from my type.

Month five and I was still dry humping the walls. But, I had learned a thing or two about myself. For starters, there are a plethora of different ways to feel sexy without having sex. Actually, I should have never adapted the theory that sex is a requirement for feeling sexy.

Also, with a new job, new friends, and a new respect for fashion, I found that there are a lot of things to be a part of, besides being in the business of giving out my lady business to men. Not only did I begin producing some of my best literary pieces, but, I mustered up the courage to start getting it published. People weren't just reading my work, they were digging it! Many were pieces that I wouldn't have had the energy or motivation to produce, if I was involved with a lover.

It was during this month that I discovered Abiola Abrams Kiss and Tell Revue. A once-monthly showcase of writers, singers, dancers, comics, and other creators, who gather and share their works, all in the name of lust. I've been a fan of Abiola since watching play the role of herself, Sweet-Girl-From-NYC-Looking-For-Love on Vh1's Tough Love. Bored and, Sex And The City'd-out, I decided to write and submit a piece, written specifically for Kiss and Tell. I'll be damned if Abiola didn't like it! She thanked me very much and put me on as a "virgin" reader for the June 15th showcase.

Fast forward to today, and you have before you a woman who has stepped into the shell of a person she was eight months ago. As I prepare myself for tonight's performance, and Portia and I continue to celebrate Sex Week here at She's So New York, I feel as though it's all come full circle for me. I will continue on the road to celibacy until I meet a man worth breaking it. Until then, I'm going to celebrate sex by surrounding myself with literary whores and living vicariously through your stories... so, keep them coming!!!


Tamela J. Gordon

For those who are unable to attend this evening's Kiss and Tell Revue at 94 West Houston Street at the Madame X Lounge, we will be broadcasting most of the show tomorrow on our site. You can also see clips of other shows, as well as more information about the Revue and Abiola Abrams on our blog, below.

Where You Need To Be: Abiola's Kiss and Tell Live Revue

In celebration (and excitement) for our very own SSNY Co-founder Tamela J. Gordon's debut at Abiola Abrams' monthly Kiss and Tell Live Revue performance this evening, we thought we'd give you additional insight on Kiss and Tell as well as an inside look to the woman behind the New York reading series: Abiola Abrams!

Some of you may remember her from Season 1 of VH1's hit show, "Tough Love," but Ms. Abrams is a media personality, author & columnist, with her successful Abiola TV, as well as the Live Revue, which debuted in 2009. "Abiola's Kiss & Tell Live Revue" is a monthly storytelling & performance series that combines love, sex and comedy with the brightest talents in the worlds of literature, media and sexuality. The reading series is curated and hosted by Abrams and features writers and entertainers ranging from New York Times bestselling authors, feminist scholars and top bloggers to burlesque performers, erotic poets and sexperts. The outrageously fun and often bawdy series takes place at Madame X in NYC on the 3rd Tuesday of every month with free audience giveaways and cheap champagne cocktails.



Madame X is located on 94 West Houston Street between LaGuardia and Thompson Street. With the event on the 2nd floor. Doors open at 7pm, and the ladies take the stage at 7:30pm.

Come out and support our fellow SSNY ladies as they grace the stage! Besides $5 Kiss and Tell Champagne cocktails, there will also be a lip gloss bar sponsored by FSL Cosmetics and Kimberly Riley and free tarot card readings sponsored by Yolanda "Shoshi" Shoshana.

For more information, check out Kiss and Tell Live Revue!

We hope to see you there!

She is Tionna Smalls: A Sit Down with the Queen of the Internet

If you're anything like us, the minute she spoke, you LOVED her. If not, get yourself acquainted with the fireball that is Tionna Smalls. Author, entrepreneur, and co-star of VH1's "What Chilli Wants." The minute Ms. Smalls came in, she slowly but surely transformed Chilli (the Sexy in TLC) from a picky, manless, transitioning Georgia peach, into a ready-for-primetime-relationship woman with two (white) men to choose from, in the season finale of the hit show.

In today's day and age when women are not shown in all of our beauty and glory, Smalls continued to impress her audience with new hair styles, fashion looks, and confident swag. It's safe to say, many men and women have not been exposed to a self-assured woman of her stature. She recognizes that just by being who she is - without apology, she's motivated women of all walks of life to be who they are, without exception. She prided herself on being real at all times. Clearly, it shows.

Here's our sit down with the author of "Girl Get Your Mind Right," and get her take on the show, her book, her future plans and why she's a SSNY woman!

Who is She: Tionna Smalls, age 25

Where is She From: Brooklyn, New York

What does she do: Author of "Girl, Get Your Mind Right," Producer, Entrepreneur, TV star

**************

She's So New York: How did the opportunity come about to do the show? What made you agree to do the show?

Tionna Smalls: I already had a book and website ( http://www.talkdatish.com/) with a huge following. I wrote for Gawker (http://www.gawker.com/) who offered me a position as a column writer after becoming fans of mine as well. The same thing with the producers of the show. They thought I was perfect for working with Chilli, and I was asked to join the show as her matchmaker.

SSNY: Have you watched any of the episodes? How do you feel you're being on portrayed on tv? How do you feel about it? Do you feel that the show captures who you are?

TS: I was me the entire time. So yeah, I feel that the show showed who I really am. I pull no punches, I kept it real with Chilli and that's why I was chosen to do the show because they knew that I will be the realest. If you're phony, people will know. They can see through it, so that's why I never compromised myself. A lot of people think that in this business, you have to be a D-I-C-K rider in order to get put on. I had my own little buzz going before all of this. I came to the table already established in what I do. So when I showed up, I was me 100%. The one thing though that people don't understand is that I am not a matchmaker. I wrote a book about dating and relationships and VH1 thought that I would be a great asset to the show.

SSNY: Do you feel Chilli's friends undermined your work? How did you work around being in that environment and staying true to your mission with Chilli?

TS: I don't know how they showed it on TV sometimes, but Chilli's friends were really cool. They helped me out with the dates and stuff like that. I knew what I was there for, and that was going to get done regardless. But yeah, they were really nice people and they never interfered with me and my work.

SSNY: From our perspective, during the argument with Chili outside the restaurant, you came off as a woman defending her career and her actions. Do you regret how you approached Chili at all, and, do you regret how Chili approached you?

TS: Chilli and I never got the chance to get to know each other before the show. That's what a lot of people don't understand. Had we got to know each other, it would've been a completely different show. On top of that, all the viewers see is a half hour show, but we were there filming all day every day. It got tiring and exhausting at times. But as we went along, we learned about each other. Chilli and I are cool. She knows what time it is. We had plenty of discussions after the show where we talked, really talked. We know we got on each other nerves, etc. But we know now about each other.

SSNY: What's the greatest sacrifice you've had to make in order to get your career going?

TS: Money (laughs).. Wait let me think. (says to self) "What's the greatest sacrifice?" No, it's not money, it's my ego. You know a lot of times when you're a co-star or something, people want to make you feel like you're not "there" yet. Like you're not really that "person" yet, (saying things like,) "You don't have to do this," or "Let Chilli Do That." And it's like that wasn't really me. Me since day one, I always did my thing. I worked in group homes, a lot of things. You don't even know. I accomplished a lot. I mean, I did my damn business. But now its like you're just starting out again, but now the game is over. I mean, millions of people know me now, see me, they know how I am so that won't go on anymore.

SSNY: What were some of the thing you were apart of before "What Chilli Wants?

TS: Writing, a lot of non-profit work. Transitional centers for pregnant women - That's what I'm in to and when I get a lot of money, I am going to be opening my own non-profit. I'm very much into things like therapeutic interventions, stuff like that. That's what I do.

SSNY: Where did the idea for your book come from? What motivated to you to write a book on that subject?

TS: Me and my first boyfriend, we broke up after 6 years together, and I thought that I knew the game, and the next thing you know, I start dating and I said, Oh my God, these men are off the chain! I'm gonna write a book cause it's not the men, it's got to be the woman and what we accept. So that's what made me write the book. I wrote the book as a rant at first, when I was ranting off about stuff. But then when I looked back on how big this was, that's when I stepped back and took it seriously.

SSNY: Now that you're a TV personality - well, I wouldn't say you're a TV Personality -

TS: I'm AM a TV personality, but I'd like to stick to the entrepreneur/author thing. You know "TV Personality" is so Flavor of Love-ish. I like a title. I'm an author really. I'm a motivator. I'm an entrepreneur. This is what I do.

SSNY: So with this scene, is it going to take a backseat to your writing career? Or do you plan to write more? What are you gonna do?

TS: I am bringing my manuscript to my mother's house so I can sit down and read through it because it does take a lot on you, especially when you're playing all these roles. I'm still Tionna Smalls, entrepreneur. I still have to get things get done, I have to make sure my bills get paid. This is not a hobby, this is not a joke. This is how I pay my bills. I have a lot of pending things going right now as well as a book deal. So now I have to really get on my grind with my writing. So, it does take a lot, promoting yourself, basically, reading what people are saying, reading whatever VH1 saying - I'm also producing another show, doing my producer work. So say between my producer work, and my regular work.

SSNY: So any plans to hit the West Coast anytime soon?

TS: To visit. (laughs) I can always go visit but I'm not interested in moving to no Cali. But I'm definitely going to making more moves out there, cause that's where the money is at.

SSNY: Do you have any upcoming projects that us She's So New York girls should know about?

TS: You know, I'm producing a new show, I'm opening a store in a few weeks, I'm trying to deal with this book again - you know this book is going to be so major, you don't even understand. Because this is gonna be the realest "ish" you ever read, but its going to be professional this time around. You know it's going to be around and I'll be traveling to promote the book. I have a lot of pending endorsements going on.

The one thing about endorsements, is that I only endorse things I really believe in. I'm always repping for the big girl - no doubt; and its sexy. Everything I do is going be sexy. It aint gonna be no, "You're a size 12, or you're a size 20 and you're just busted." - that shit is finished. It's all about the fly, the fab. You know, I've been glaming myself up, got my new weave too, poppin. You know, I'm all about just taking it to the next level. So, I'm really just gonna be a beast for the next few months, I need all the cash. And I'm writing two more shows. I'm just getting it poppin girl. I believe you can do anything you put your mind to, and being on the show, that's little. That's nothing.

And if I'm never on another show again, it's never going to make me feel in any type of way. You're always gonna hear about me. I don't care if you heard my store, or whether I'm producing another show, whether it's about my books because I'm writing another book after this one because this one is finished but I just want to read through it and make sure I said everything that I wanted to say. So I need a couple of "read-thru" days, to make sure I really said everything I need to say.

SSNY: What advice would you give the average single woman advice on how to get a good man?

TS: Well, first of all you can't beast. Beast meaning, you know, you can't - go so hard to get the guy. Sometimes you have to relax, and be enjoyed, you know what I mean? And once you do get the guy, keep a goddamn hobby! See, a lot of women, when we do find a guy, we're so up under his ass that he gets annoyed and he wants to be out cause its like "Oh God, she's sweating me, starving." and that's why you can't do that. Keep a hobby, keep your friends around because you know what happens when a woman get a man, you know the first thing that happens: they lose their friends, and they lose their sense of self. And when they do that, they fuck up. You have to keep being into yourself, keep being into your life because I have a man, you have a husband and we still do us. We still work, we still establish ourselves, and that is what's going to take you to that next level.

Also, knowing the difference between what "fuckable" and what's "keepable." If you don't know the difference, you're gonna lose.

SSNY: What are the do's and don'ts of dating? What are some dating trends you've been noticing lately?

TS: Yeah, I got a problem with one dating trend and I think my ladies better get up on it and stop this B.S.: "dates" at a dude's house? That aint no damn date. Cause all that is, is a man trying to get in your panties before the credits of the movie comes on. No, that is a trend that must stop immediately. It's not right, it's not correct. Another thing is even when you do invite a man to your house, he shows up empty handed!

Back in our mama's days, if you drink, if you smoke, if you ate, - THEY had to bring with the eats, had to bring the smoke. These dudes come empty handed as hell, and want you to cook for them, but didn't buy the groceries! The thing is you think that women would know this stuff, but that's the problem. They continue to play themselves. Back in the day, dudes used to go hard for girls. These days, it's so easy to get somebody now, that it's like "Oh, I don't have to do nothing. She's gonna come regardless." There is no effort and then they wonder why they get the same results with different men. Like I say: "Sometimes you have to do things different, to get the things you never had."

We NEED to get back to dating, we have to get back to dating because now it's getting ridiculous. People are on TV bragging about being engaged for years and years, and things like that. If you give these dudes a rope, they would hang themselves like that. I aint giving no man no ten years of my life with nothing to show for it! You're crazy, that's out. And I'm not saying that we're perfect when we are in a relationship - just because you're in a relationship doesn't mean that you don't have problems. There's some times I have my own problems with my man, but there's one thing that my man knows: I don't settle for no bull crap. He don't play no games either. We don't play no games with each other, and we work out just fine.

SSNY: What's your take on interracial dating?

TS: Me personally - I never tried the white meat, but I'm not a racist, you know? I don't have a problem with it, and the way the statistics are going, women will HAVE to start dating outside of their race.

SSNY: Regina King just recently wrote an open letter(http://www.vibe.com/posts/regina-king-more-black-women-should-date-outside-their-race) to black women on dating outside of their race, and how while black women are normally apprehensive, black men date freely. What do you think we're so up in arms about it?

TS: Well, you know, that's what we were raised on. We were raised on black men, doing their thing but based on the statistics, we'll have to date outside our race - that's just the reality. And I'm not saying everybody, but it's true. Look at "What Chilli Wants."
I brought all those black guys for her and she aint pick not one. I mean, I'M shocked. People keep telling me that they're shocked but listen, I'M SHOCKED with them. I said it before, all these black men and its down to two white boys. WOW. You didn't expect it? I didn't expect it, and I was THERE. But Chilli is mixed herself, so it didn't shock me all that much, you know what I'm saying? Somebody like her that's been around the world, they know about other races. This isn't the first time she liked a guy of another race, but now I'm glad she did it though. She is letting these women know. She is saying "it's ok to date outside your race," "it's ok to like Rob - instead of Rah." Even Filipino guys are getting in on the action. Black women have a lot going on for themselves, but the one thing we don't have like the other races is our self esteem on point. Cause everything else we got together, but not self esteem like the other races.

I mean, I'm gonna keep it real. I keep it real all the time. I read what people say about me. But listen, I know I'm a big girl, but really..I just got big titties. And I read what people say about me, and I say to myself "THIS is why girls are getting nose jobs, and stuff like that." It's the comments. These dumb ass comments are making women feel really bad about themselves. But that's not going work for me. You're gonna have to talk about me forever. You're gonna have to come harder than talking about my titties. Cause I'm not getting no breast reduction, no lipo. You can forget it!

You can say what you want about me cause the bottom line is this: I'm on TV and you're not. The reality of it is, don't be worried about my fat ass. My fat ass is happy. Worry about YOUR fat ass, and why YOU'RE not happy. If you worried about the important things in life, you'd be better off. This is why people like me - they know that they're getting the real from me. THEY KNOW. I keep it real all day, every day, This is no gimmick.

Now don't get me wrong - if they have a season two of "What Chilli Wants," make no mistake, I'm getting in the gym - I'm working out more. Because now I know better, and I know how I look. But this is a personal decision.

SSNY: How can you tell a good date from a bad date?

TS: It's all about how you feel. You know you have one of those dates when you're thinking "Why the hell am I here?" "I need to go home." "What am I doing?" If you have that feeling, then obviously its not a good situation. But if on the date, you're feeling easy breezy and you're feeling good about it and you're thinking about the next date, and the next date, and the next date - and you feel like you really want to get to know this guy. That is an absolutely fabulous date! Any date where you are second guessing, is bad. Or where you're compromising - you didn't really want to eat KFC, but you settled and ate there because you didn't know how much money the guy had. Those dates where you have to think too much, is not good at all.

SSNY: What are some of the things you can't live without?

TS: Internet! You know I can't live without my internet. I am going on vacation, and I told my man that I was leaving my computer home and he said "Yeah, right!" I am an internet fanatic! I love to reach out to my peoples, I love to shop on the internet - I goes in on the computer. You know, this is how I get paid, if I'm not seeing what's going on, it's a wrap. At the end of the day, this TV shit dries up and I'm still the Internet Queen. I got to make sure that my game is on tight. I can't live without my lip gloss (she loves MAC gloss, like we do!) I've been weaing the lipsticks lately but you know, I can't live without my phone, and I really can't live without my love for real people. I love when I wake up, and I'm with people who really love me for me. Just like my man, or anybody else. Like, I've been with my man before alot of this started for me so I KNOW he loves me for me. (laughs) Just to be around people who love you for you.

No matter how much I'm on tv, I still had to go to the store for my mother the other day and I was cracking up! That's real and you always need that realness in your life because you can get so caught up in this entertainment industry and get caught up in feeling yourself too much. That's why I'm just me. She is I and I is she.

My family definetely keeps me grounded. My mother-in-law is like a mother to me too. She goes hard for me. Whenever people come to the house, she shows them the show. It's real love, from real people. I'm mean, I might be a little cocky - I'm confident on this love ish, but never to the point where I'm cocky about TV, but I'm always confident in writing about this love ish in terms of what I bring to the table. I take it seriously. People are sometimes intimidated, but I go hard for it. That's it, nobody gonna stop me.

SSNY: Besides Brooklyn, what's your favorite borough and why?

TS: Long Island - I'm trying to move to Long Island now actually. I've been in Brooklyn my whole life. I'm still in Brooklyn. I have to wear hats to go outside now sometimes. All the boroughs are the same really, but actually, I really like Queens. A lot of my peoples are from Queens. But in terms of what I like, Brooklyn and Long Island, that's all I rep. Out of state, I love Atlanta. That's the most beautifullest place I've ever been to for black people. Atlanta is just the city, I'm not even gonna lie - that shit is hot. You just see people doing big things there and things you think that are impossible. You'll see chicks out there, making it happen, women with non-profits, they got this, and that. And I'm always very happy for them and feel very supportive of them.

SSNY: That's what She's So New York is all about. It's not even just about one borough or place, we're about promoting ALL women, embracing each other, supporting one another and highlighting the real of what NYC women are all about - because we have so much going on.

TS: She's So New York, is just about the everday girl. She's New York, but that really means she's a hustler, she's doing what she needs to do to make it. She recognizes New York as one of her entities. I love New York, but Atlanta is where I want to be, where I get my money from. It's not LA money, but I can make it. If you can make it here in New York, YOU can make it anywhere else.

SSNY: To be only 25, and having accomplished all that you have, YOU'RE the shit! We are so happy for you. The best part is that you are just getting started. Congratulations.

TS: I feel like I accomplished a couple of things, but then I don't feel like I've accomplished alot (laughs). They're not even ready for me. I'm good. I'm getting married next year as well. I'm just really excited about my life. People wanna talk about me being on this show, but really the show is nothing to me. It's a couple of dollars, but it's not the big picture. I am doing big things man. Seriously.

SSNY: We always like to ask our SSNY ladies to tell us and the world why they're so New York. Start off the sentence with "I am so New York because..."

TS: I am so New York because.... I am just real and I don't really care what people are saying cause I'm grinding so hard. Matter fact, I am so New York because I grind so hard, and I'm just so real and I'm never going to apologize for it. I am DEFINETELY SO NEW YORK!

It's all about the She's So New York/Girl, Get Your Mind Right Campaign!

Want more of Ms. Smalls? Be sure to check http://www.tionnasmallsonline.com/ and be on the look out of for the re-release of her book "Girl, Get Your Mind right (coming soon! Follow her on twitter www.twitter.com/TionnaSmalls